Celia Door Has Hit a Wall

This project has been on pause for awhile.

I know why - it's NOT my passion. I don't believe it's my place to be putting up thoughtful quotes or passages or poems in the girls' bathroom at school. I don't believe my work is good enough, and I haven't been able to fix it up to make it better.

Pity party over - now I need to realize what my next step is.
     --> Ask for more help from someone who already has this type of passion. I'm going to ask Janelle at work for help. She will be my mentor once school starts. She and Kristie head up the "Girl Up" club at school. Of course they can give me direction!
     --> Use what I've learned so when I ask this of my students, I know what I'm asking. I won't be asking for weekly blog posts. I will check in with students, or they can check in with me through blog posts, vlogs, sticky notes, emails, see me during lunch - whatever they choose. I will keep tabs on their progress, even if they don't blog regularly about their project.
     --> I have not failed. I've only stalled. I've heard it say that "Done is better than perfect." Well, I know it's not perfect, but I do not have a deadline, like my students will. So I can wait until I think it is MORE perfect (like turn that last line upside down - thank you, Sheri) before I'm done.

What's my passion, then? Living life to the fullest. Figuring out how best to teach 7th graders. That's really what I've been working on all summer. That's what can fill many hours of my day and I won't even know the clock is ticking. I'm on my fifth professional development book of the summer, and I've read copius young adult books so that I can better talk with my students about good books. I've collaborated on documents to help me choose the best books, connect my classes to authors and other schools, and even teach grammar better. Teaching to the best of my ability is one of my passions. I can never learn enough. I can never create enough resources for them. And it looks like I have a difficult time pausing for a bit of poetry...

I'm glad I took this challenge of the #20TimeAcademy MOOC this July. I have learned a lot about what I want from my students, and I will be better able to guide them on their own journey as a result. I will finish this project. But I'm still calling it a success, even though I don't have a product - YET.

Celia Door's & My "Dark Side" Poetry

I haven't written in over a week - this is a tough assignment I gave myself.

Here's what I've learned - or haven't learned - so far (that will help me when I try this - once again - with my seventh graders)...

  --> How can I expect my students to do a blog post every week, when I have not done one every week... and it's SUMMER... and it's MY OWN work I gave MYSELF... ?!?! If I can't even be diligent enough to do this - How can I expect a 12 year old? And I TRIED!! But I had no more inspiration! (Finally, today, I have the inspiration...)
  --> I did not "pitch a product" first. I may have to ask my students to do this. I at least have to ask them to tell me what they want in the end. What do they want to achieve with their project? What about this one of mine? I should've asked myself. I know now - I wanted to try to write poetry, and show others (doubters) that they can, too. But I also wanted to go a step further, and make one piece (or more, but I know now that won't happen any time soon) that could make a difference in someone's day.
   --> A rubric would not have helped me.
   --> A grade might have helped me work, but it wouldn't be my best work. I would just be doing it to "get it done."
   --> I know I could go further with this project, but I know I won't, because I am not using my genius like I could. What is my genius? Angela Maiers (@AngelaMaiers) asked this of me in a Google Hangout this week, and I didn't know what to say. Finally, I just blurted out - "I love life." Because you know what? It hit me hard this week that not everyone loves life. That is something I feel I am truly blessed with. Because I love life, I look at things differently, and I am grateful for a new day, every day. Knowing this, I know this project does not include my genius. I am just doing it to "get it done." This does not sit well with me.

So. What next?

Write that poem. Write the poem that depicts what I want those 7th and 8th grade girls to think about. What would Celia Door want to tell them? Celia, who doesn't fit in... I'd like girls to be able to think about this topic when no one else is around. They can read it and think about it on their own, with no influence whatsoever. They can judge it or see it for what it is, and connect to it with what experiences they bring to it... I'm planning on posting this in each bathroom stall in the upstairs girls' bathrooms. (Can I do that??) I'm hoping I could get the plastic coverings that many bathrooms have to house advertisements... (?) Then poems or messages can be switched out, based on what students want to publish for others... (?) I'm still working on that. I want to ask our "Girl Up" sponsors at school for help with this idea.

Here are my notes... that have been stewing in my head since last week's mini camping vacation:

My first attempt at putting my thoughts together:

I feel like I need to add some of my "genius" here, however. I feel like I need a picture behind the entire thing (the white is too plain for me, and I'm not happy with the colors I already have, either), or have small pictures throughout. But of what? Maybe I just need to print this on colored paper of some sort. Any ideas? I thought I could do this project on my own, but it's time for mentors... Please give me your thoughts!

Celia Door's Poetry, and More Attempts from Me

What IS poetry? I looked it up. So many meanings! I like how it was used in folk songs from long ago - I always think of songs as a type of poetry. I also like how it doesn't always have to rhyme. That's the type of poetry I like best (other than songs). Do I need to know what poetry is before I can move on? I don't believe so. I have a general idea, and I'll just keep trying to write poems to see if it fits with a general description.

So I need to keep writing. Celia Door (of The Sweet Revenge of Celia Door) wrote when she was upset, usually. There were other times she wrote when she was excited or happy. I'd bet that poets write when they are inspired - by their passions or by what irks them. What am I passionate about? Photography, singing, teaching...  If I want to be "dark," like Celia believes she is, I'll have to channel what bothers me...
  1. People who judge quickly, without knowing the other person or situation.
  2. When children are focused more on materials, rather than just plain fun or learning.
  3. Drivers who cut people off and think that only THEY are important.

I could go on and on, but I stopped early, because I think I have to go with the judgement idea - my students are very quick to judge, and this may be something I can use to help make the world a tiny bit better. Last year, when I read aloud Where Children Sleep, by James Mollison, they were quick to respond when I put up a picture of a child. I heard, "What IS that on her head?" "Is that a boy??" "Woah!" "Ew!" And I responded with, "Ouch." It hurt me to know they were not empathetic until they heard a part of the child's story in with one paragraph.

I thought of an idea for a product. Where could I put whatever it is I end up making? The girls' bathroom stalls. Girls in middle school can be so mean to each other, and to themselves, as well.

I've been brainstorming... This is in no particular order.

I know that this needs to be a picture, not written out in lines like this.

------------BRAINSTORMING ONLY------------

What do you see?
  Perfect hair
     Her hair would look better long.
     I cut my hair because my cousin is going through chemo.
  Weight
     She needs to lose weight.
     My doctor says my thyroid glad is out of whack. I've been so sleepy.
     She is so scrawny.
     I have to lose weight or the popular girls will make fun of me.
  Nerd
     She asks too many questions
     I just don't understand anything the teacher says.
  Unwashed hair
  Brand name jeans
  Clothes from Goodwill
  Pretty pens
  Stubby pencil
  Lipgloss
  Bushy eyebrows
We want people to be unique, yet we put them down for being different.
What is perfect?
Who are you to judge?
Who am I to judge?
The only judgement we should base on looks is
  facial expression - scowl? frown? smile?
What do you hear?
  Whispers
  Shouts
  Chuckling
  Nothing, but a look can say it all.
What do you know?
  You know what she wears, but not why she wears it.
  You know how she looks, but not the story behind it.
Get to know the PERSON, not the skin she's in.
  Have you talked to her? Asked her a question? Made a connection?
THIS will get you far in life.

Celia Door's Poetry, and a Bit of Mine

One week later...  I had to get the book out of the library, because Celia makes sure she does NOT write certain words in her poetry. I had to find out what they were again, to see if I use them or not! After a long search, I found it - chapter 24...

   I, Celia the Dark, vow that I will never write love poetry.
   Additionaly, here is a list of the eight words that I believe should never be used in writing poetry: love, soul, heart, dream, sad (sadness), pain, awesome, and above all other words that should not ever be used in poetry, beautiful. Beautiful has been so overused in poems that it has no meaning anymore.
   I call this my list of "Never Words."
~The Sweet Revenge of Celia Door, by Karen Finneyfrock

I think I'll be okay. I'd written a poem to my husband before we were married, and it may have had some of those words in it, but a poem about trees doesn't have to! And trees is where I was heading next. I had jotted down a few ideas from last week's bike ride, and I finally came up with this:

Red, from a Tree's Perspective


Red X
  There is no worse fate.
  Selected to be killed.
     That one is in the way.
     That limb has fallen long ago.
     That one? Can't you see it's dead?
        If it's not quite dead yet, it will be soon.

Red Flag
  Not as bad.
     That branch grew over the path.
     That one obscures the view of the lake.

Red Dot
  A mark of distinction.
     Leading the way.
     Showing the path.
     Blazing a trail.

Red Jacket
  Not mine, but I'll take it.
     Leaning against me.
     Needing shade, resting.
     Assured I won't move from the middle of the meadow.
         Faithful.
         Strong.
         Steady.
  Red core
     discarded to the ground.
          Soon to be eaten
              by a creature who'll live long...
      just
         not
            as
                long
                    as
                       me.

Before writing, I thought of these questions: Should I make it in the shape of a tree? No. Can I indent? A lot? To make a point of some sort? Yes. Should I get a picture of an X, flag, dot, and jacket? No. But... I'm still thinking of a product of some sort. What if I found a picture to represent each idea of red? The rest of the picture can be black and white. I saw the red on the trees on my bike ride - I could go back and take pictures, and learn how to make just the red portion colorful. Then put the words on top of the pictures?? Maybe make a video of some sort? I'd need to fabricate the red jacket. But... how would this help others? ??

I need to brainstorm more, because writing like this is NOT my passion. I just don't feel it.

Celia Door's Poetry

So. I just finished a book. (Big deal. I read a lot.) It was a "new" YA book - The Sweet Revenge of Celia Door, by Karen Finneyfrock - recommended by a teacher I follow on Twitter. And at 40 years old, I think I'm ready to try some poetry once again. This will be a Genius Hour project that will take me out of my comfort zone. I'll need to share it, and I know it will be criticized. Why do it then? Because I've been going back and forth on joining Teachers Write with Kate Messner this summer, and I know I don't want to write a picture book, novel, or nonfiction. So this is my compromise. I know I'll be writing SOMEthing.

When I was in high school (high school??), I wrote five poems for a poetry contest. Didn't win a thing. Sadly, the only one I remember being proud of was about my dog's poop. Yes. You read that right. In high school?? Ugh. I'm proud to say I've come a long way!!

Celia Door kept her poetry to herself. What good does it do there? So I know that my project is out of my comfort zone, will be difficult for me to perfect, and I could be made fun of. But I'm going to do it. Because I expect some of my students to take the same risks.

When I got home from my bike ride, I wrote this attempt at poetry to my husband, who is out of town until tomorrow.

     Glad I went.

     First, not so much.

     Traffic.

     Three minutes in, chain fell off when shifting.

     Three black fingers later, chain fixed.

            It even kissed my calf.

            (Tattoo still there after showering.)

     Next up - big lawn mowers - off! Phew!

     Spotted an oriole!

     Careful across Higgins.

     A poem idea swirling in my head regarding trees.

     People stats - passed four walkers, one roadie passed me.

     Weather? Perfect for a ride.

     At the dam...

             A young deer and a grey heron on the "island!"

     Numbers - 9.6 miles (?), AVS 12.?, 46 min.

     Wave to Rick.

     Home safe.

Doesn't much look like poetry to me. Just train of thought rambles. What IS poetry? Rick is our neighbor, by the way. While I was biking, I thought of a poem I could start with, even though I technically started with this one... It's "safe" to write about nature, right? Trees are pretty neutral. I'll think on it. I also need to think about what my final "product" will be. Do I want to change the world? No. What's my goal? Maybe to inspire others to write something? It's a small goal, but it's a start. Next steps: think of a "product," keep writing, and find out what poetry really is (because I don't think what I wrote today fits in that category).

One more side note - I realized, while writing this post, that I'm not doing all I asked my students to do last quarter. I'm not following the rubric. Why should I? It's not natural to write a reflection with a rubric by my side. Yup. Another thing that's will probably in the trash next year...

Crayon Melting - Final Product

WHAT I LEARNED...
Print out coupons before you go shopping.
  - I could have saved $8!
Buy Crayola crayons.
Use a hair dryer TIP.
Tips that break look weird when melting if you don't glue them RIGHT NEXT to each other.
  - Cut them all shorter anyway. You don't need full-sized crayons if your canvas is 12" x 12".
SuperGlue doesn't glue wax.
Don't glue the crayon... put hot glue on the canvas.
Just glue the farthest part away from you, so the glue doesn't show on your final one as much.
I take a lot of pictures (91)! But I'm glad I have them for my presentation, for sure.
I still need a lot of practice being patient!!!

WHAT I STILL DON'T KNOW...
Sometimes it spurts, sometimes it drips. I don't know why... That's what I'll learn next time??

BEST TAKE-AWAY...

Art is editable. We can change these canvases at any time!

DID I SUCCEED?

Yes. I was able to make art that hopefully will inspire my students! I already inspired others - by sharing my art on Twitter, even showing Robby Novak!

"You got air coming through your nose. 

You got a heart beat. 

That means it's time to DO SOMETHING!"

~Robby Novak, "Kid President"

This is my final presentation...

Crayon Melting - I need to try another.

After finishing the first quote I wanted to share with students, I had to try my favorite one from Kid President, and I wanted to do this one in a different, more perfect shape...

A heart.

Steps for this one...
  - Make a heart the right size on paper.
  - Trace this on the canvas in pencil.
  - Write the quote on paper, and try to make it fit right aesthetically.
  - Write it on the canvas in Sharpie.
  - Become frustrated because your marker slipped on the exclamation mark!
  - Grow more frustrated because you spelled "through" wrong!
  - Realize you can paint over it with white paint and start again.
  - Be grateful you've got white spray paint!
  - Tape the heart shape, and paint it white - outside.
  - Wait.
  - Check it, and notice you need another coat of paint
  - Paint it more, but it's okay if you can see some of the words... just not the "throug."
  - Bring it in from outside, because it's going to rain.
  - Choose your crayons. I chose reds of various shades, with a few purples thrown in.
  - Strip crayons of their paper.
  - Try to glue the broken ones back together with Super Glue.
  - Realize that doesn't work.
  - Decide the crayons are too long anyway, and cut them in half, on an angle.
  - Tape the heart shape again, but this time covering the quote fully with paper, too.
  - Arrange crayons in the order you want. Keep these close together this time.
  - Glue crayons on canvas, realizing (again) that you need to put the glue on the canvas, NOT the crayon.
  - Ask husband/friend to make an attachment to the hair dryer so the heat is more concentrated.
  - Fire up that hair dryer outside again and have FUN with it!
  - Bring it in, take off the tape and paper to see what leaked through.
  - Outline the heart shape in Sharpie to make it pop.
  - Decide whether you are a true perfectionist or not... should you cover up the small color with White-Out or just deal with it as it is???!!!

Crayon Melting - My turn.

Throughout the time we were setting up and melting Robert's crayons, I was thinking of my design. I wanted to make two pieces, as we'd originally thought. I wanted to use a quote in each one, as sharing quotes is one of my passions. I wanted to inspire students with these quotes. Choosing quotes was a tough decision, but I recognized the fact that I had five canvases to play with if I needed them.

I looked through The Passion-Driven Classroom, by Angela Maiers. All that I'd highlighted would be for nice for teachers, but not for students. I checked The Element by Sir Ken Robinson once again, but it was the same deal. Where would I get my quote from?

Robby Novak. A.K.A. "Kid President."

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kid_President_in_White_House_2013_Easter_Egg_Roll_Promo.jpg

YES! I love Kid President, my students love Kid President, and his pep talk has the message I want students to hear. I chose two quotes (which I will share later), and decided to do two different types of crayon melting designs.

First, the simpler quote, and a starburst design, much like the one Robert did. Of course, being the perfectionist I am, I organized my colors in the ROYGBIV order, as much as I could. I also had the exact same number on the "top" of my quote as on the bottom. It wasn't quite a circle, but the flattened oval was fine with me for this first round. The issue here was the length of the crayons. Easy fix. I cut them with a paring knife over a cutting board.

Pencil the quote on, rewrite in Sharpie, then glue on those crayons. Step outside, and fire up that hair dryer!

What I'd learned from Robert's trial, was to go with the flow. It's okay if it isn't thick, and it's okay if the colors run into one another. I also learned that the colors might collect in the middle, so I hastily taped a cardboard circle over the quote. This didn't really work, but it looked better than being totally covered. I dealt with it by going over the words with the Sharpie one more time.

I am happy with the outcome, as it was the second try, and I think I can hang this up in the classroom without being too embarrassed...

Crayon Melting - We try again!

This is it!

Robert and I went outside and plugged in the hair dryer. "Fire it up, Aunt Joy!" he squealed. With his direction, I began to melt the crayons.

I was actually surprised. The crayons did not melt thickly, like I thought they would. The melted together, and blended a lot with each other on the canvas. I thought it would leave thick crayon wax along the white spot, but it was really thin - except for in the middle, where it covered up Robert's words, "Be happy." He didn't mind. In fact, he was way more satisfied with the outcome than I was. I could see the imperfections - the hot glue leftover, the thick, mottled crayon wax and the thin colors alongside.

I know I have issues with perfectionism. I want everything to be symmetrical, exact... perfect. Robert, being seven, sees more of the fun in it than I do. As it turns out, he taught me how to enjoy the imperfections - what I really liked was the way the crayons spurted off the edges of the canvas! That was beautiful in my eyes!

What was next for us? I put off my turn, as I wanted Robert to be able to get his art finished before his parents came to pick him up. We had six more canvases, but he wanted to add more color to the one we just finished. Which made me think - we don't EVER have to be finished with these! We can continue to add, melt, and add more if we'd like! How neat that this could be something we keep changing over time.

After a bit more decision-making as to the placement of the crayons (I do love that Robert is okay with randomness!), we were ready to blast it with heat once again. This time, Robert did ALL the work! Oh, did he seem to enjoy this!

This is Robert's final crayon melting art...

Crayon Melting - First Try

Robert and I brainstormed our ideas for our crayon melting art. We were both going to have a "burst" circle, and words in the middle. Robert made his words tiny, and they said, "Be happy." He then chose random crayons to come bursting off of the circle.

Before we glued them on, I wanted to see how they would melt. Bob had tried to heat up a white crayon (one we wouldn't use) in the microwave, in an attempt to get the paper of easily, but it didn't work. In fact, it hardly got warm in the microwave! We decided to check right away how they would melt with the hair dryer.

We glued on a gray, unwrapped crayon onto the cardboard Bob had spray painted white for us. After the hot glue was dry, we took the hair dryer to it. I put it on high right away (as a result of my new knowledge about the microwave). Woooooosh... The hair dryer is on. And still on. And we keep trying. Nothing. Not a drop. Finally (after 4 min.??) we start to see the crayon has some shine to it. But it's still not melting. I'm thinking I'll be buying a new hair dryer soon. The cardboard is getting hot to the touch. The spray paint is melting! We stop. We go shopping.

Dominick's has Crayola crayons. We bought two 64 packs (one for each of us). Another $12 later, we're back home, trying to melt a gray Crayola on the cardboard. One with paper, and one without. Success! Sure, the plastic table cloth wavered a bit, and there was some mess, but the crayons melted much easier, and we found out we don't want to keep the paper on them.

There we were, stripping the crayons - again. Bob helped a ton - he took his box cutter and cut a slit in the paper on each crayon we wanted to use so the paper would come off easily for us.

When Robert's crayons were staged on the canvas, I glued them on carefully with the hot glue gun for him. I had an idea for mine, as well, but it had to be put on hold as Robert was ready to try the melting right away!

What did I expect? More of a mess. We'd cleaned up the paper from the crayons, but what would the wax do? Bob got us a box and suggested we work outside. Good plan, as I also expected the melting to make the crayons stink...!

Crayon Melting - Preparation

We went shopping...

Of course, I didn't think to print out a Michael's coupon for 40% off (like they always have available online!) We got there, and now the issue was size. What size should we get for our adventure in crayon art? We took about 5 excruciating minutes (for my nephew Robert, at least) looking in the aisle that had all the canvases, and finally decided on a package of seven square ones for $20. They are 12" x 12", and seemed like the perfect size for putting up on a wall.

At the dollar store, we purchased four packs of 24 crayons (some off brand), and a table cloth for the mess we were going to make. (Good thinking, Joy!) We already had a glue gun and glue sticks at home, and we had some cardboard we could practice on, as well. Earlier in the day, my husband Bob had spray painted the cardboard white, so we could practice on it to see how the crayons melted and how they looked on the white background.

We decided to take the paper off of the crayons, so we didn't see the sunburst decoration on them, and then start brainstorming what we wanted our pictures to look like.

Crayon Melting Idea

July is coming soon, and I'll be involved in my very first MOOC - Massive Open Online Course. It's about 20% Time or Genius Hour, of course! Anyway, one thing they'll be wanting us to do is to try our own project.... WHAT?!

This gave me my first problem, which I imagine my students encounter. WHAT WILL I DO? I know what I like... teaching, photography, inspiring quotes... But if I want this project to be authentic, I want to do what I ask my students to do - Read, Be Inspired, and Act on it. And all this, while trying to help or inspire someone in some fashion. What books did I read this year? A TON! What inspired me the most? Sir Ken Robinson and Angela Maiers. (I love fiction, to be sure, but I get so much MORE out of nonfiction!)

Sir Ken Robinson is famous for his TED Talk, "Schools Kill Creativity." My Twitter teacher friends and I read his book, The Element, this year, and chatted about it during a #geniushour chat back in the fall. What I took from this book: You've GOT to do what you like to do to have a fulfilling life. You've got to keep looking if you haven't found that thing you love that puts you in the zone - where you could keep doing it for hours and not even realize any time has passed... you love it that much. I, myself, have found my tribe - and I love to teach students, and plan for school, as I really want to inspire students to love learning.

Angela Maiers is famous in teaching circles for telling people, "You are a genius. The world expects your contribution." She also makes sure all of her students know they matter. "You matter" is something I keep trying to help my students understand, and that message comes from Angela. How many times do we tell children they matter?? The book of hers I read this year, The Passion-Based Classroom, was another one the suggestions from fabulous teachers of the #geniushour chat. My copy is autographed, as I met Angela in Boston in July of 2012, so I was excited to have "permission" to read this next! My take-away: Have students SHARE what they are learning. I have been neglecting to ask my students to share with each other - they've only shared with me, and I've shared their ideas with other teachers on Twitter, but they need to share with EACH OTHER! But what can I make, or create, or DO for my Genius Hour project? I want to do something to inspire others, and help students find and sehre their passions.

Harrumph. I took a break from thinking. I spent a day with my nephew. And what did we do??

We decided to create Crayon Art.

I was looking at my Pinterest pages, and he happened to see them. "What's this?" Hmm... "Could we try this today?" My brain was ticking. How can I use this to my advantage? Could the two books that inspired me the most this year also inspire me to make crayon art? Crayon art?? Seriously?!?!

My next step... go shopping! What do I expect from this? A HUGE MESS, but one happy nephew!