Looking at Political Decisions

So... I THINK I've learned this much.

This is a part of the U.S.'s systemic racism. Shooting down something because it TAKES AWAY something (power/wealth/jobs) from... White people, keeping the power with Whites.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/22/us/politics/trump-h1b-work-visas.html

Yesterday (and happening in Kentucky today), a judge ruled that it was okay for Kentucky to be down to only 200 polling places (instead of 3,700!). Many Black voters (um... 616,000??) live in counties where there will be a single voting location. Here's how the federal judge used the language to keep Black voters suppressed:

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2020/06/kentucky-slashes-polling-places-voting-rights-mcgrath-booker-lebron-james/

          ...and yet there are counter-stories that say people are voting for the first time since getting their rights restored... they don't have enough poll workers due to COVID... people have been able to vote for weeks in-person or with mail-in ballots... and any voter who applied for an absentee ballot but did not receive one can still go in to vote. (HOW?! If they canNOT vote in person, that's why they asked for an absentee ballot!) I don't think these counter-stories hold water. I did ask the Kentucky Secretary of State Michael Abrams more about this... no response as of this writing.

Anti-Racist Training - Module Three

My notes:

• I have implicit bias. It brings guilt and shame and reminds me of times I did NOT speak out.
• Acknowledging privilege makes me accountable.
• I didn't really know about the White Savior role in movies.
• It is up to White people to do the work. We currently have the power to change things.
• On the "Ally Continuum," I'm currently between the "aware" and "active" phases, as I still have so very much to learn. Oh, how I wish I could be more well-informed. I'm learning it's a HUGE process and there are no shortcuts.
• 
• Do not discount others' stories and feelings.
• I want to share the two-minute video about Tone-Policing with my students for when we're discussing issues in class. I sort of understood it before; the more I learn, the more I understand the importance of not tone-policing.
• The goal is to pull people forward.
• Saying or thinking we're colorblind MUTES people of color. It mutes their experiences.
• Some of my favorite quotes from this TED Talk from Luvvie Ajayi - "There are too few people willing to take the fall. ... All 'comfortable' has done is maintain the status quo. ... When it's time to say these hard things, I ask myself three things: 1) Did you mean it? 2) Can you defend it? 3) Did you say it with love?"
•  
• I need to lift up more voices from people of color.
• We have to share stories. 
• We have to LISTEN to other stories.
• This training / greater awareness will impact my relationships with others.
• It has - and will continue to - change how I see the world - for the rest of my life, I hope.
• Awareness fatigue is real, and I am now accountable for being engaged in this work.

Many thanks to the facilitator, Ashley Heidebrecht, MSW.

Anti-Racist Training - Module Two + Bias Tests

I took implicit bias tests in the Fall of 2018 after reading Blindspot...

I BELIEVE at least one of these was the same as what I've taken before, but I'm not sure. I think it's the same company:

I don't know what to make of these results. It looks like the first two cancel each other out...?
I'm sharing because I want to be a model of vulnerability. I also want to wish away any bias I have...

Skin Tone IAT

Race IAT

Native IAT

Asian IAT

I'm off to learn more...

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My BIG lesson today: 

Having white privilege because of your skin color doesn't mean you've had an easy life, it just means skin color isn't one of the things making it more difficult.

Hardest video to watch today:


And this hit me hard:

https://www.ncda.org/aws/NCDA/pt/sd/news_article/139052/_PARENT/CC_layout_details/false

My journal entry for today:
The video "A Conversation about Growing Up Black" hit me hard. The privilege chart hit me hard. The list of 50 privileges had me nodding and crying. I want to be eloquent in how I talk about race with other White people. I had no clue about the EVERYDAY barrage of microaggressions. The beat down. The metaphorical "collar" that must weigh so heavy on people of color. It affects their entire life. They are, by society's definition, not "normal." This makes me sick. I had no clue about the internal struggle of Natives and how some have the decision to be White or embrace their heritage. I love learning more, even though it is difficult and makes me so very uncomfortable. I need to be uncomfortable - it will help me ACT.

After chatting/debriefing with a friend, I have a question I need to bring to the group:
Is it okay to ask students to share how to say something in their native or home language - if they have shared they speak two or more languages? If they have shared that they're proud of their heritage?

Anti-Racist Training - Module One

Thank you to staff at my school for sharing this learning opportunity:

Anti-Racism Training from the Diversity and Resiliency Institute of El Paso

It is FREE until June 30th!

I sat for (two or three?) hours straight today learning.

The journal prompt at the end of the first module was this:
What did you find challenging about this Module? Did you experience any insights or difficult emotions? What stood out to you as important or significant?

My response was this (edited, as it is a true journal entry):

I came into this training thinking I'm "ahead of the game," because I've been studying my own White privilege and history for two years now. Hah. I am reminded - again - that the more I learn, the more I realize I do not know. So much of America's history is hidden. So much of America's history is portrayed as something that was beneficial for others... turns out the "others" was only the White population.

When I first started watching the first cluster of videos, I felt horror and grief. I am now feeling anger. I'm enraged at THIS PARAGRAPH DELETED ... I'm angry at how I was taught. I'm angry at what I was taught. I'm even angry we still have Columbus Day, and all (?) the people I know in my personal life (including me!!) seemed to not know anything about Juneteenth until yesterday.

I want to know more. I want to DO more. I want my students to go through this with me. I want my parents to go through this with me. I want my friends and family and their friends and families to go through this training. I'm grateful to all those who helped put it together. I'm grateful for how far we've come, but I'm (a bit) obsessed with making it better. Educating myself drives me further.

When They Call You a Terrorist

It took me four days to listen to When They Call You a Terrorist by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & Ahsa Bandele, narrated by Patrisse Khan-Cullors. This may be because I'm cutting my time drastically on social media and because I've been able to listen on longer walks. It may also be because it's more of a story than the nonfiction I've been reading lately.

Due to the fact that it was told in narrative form, I did not take notes. I simply absorbed it all. It was riveting in parts, and some parts went into her relationships. She really didn't get into the part of how the Black Lives Matter movement actually began it until the last quarter or so. It was at this point that I loved learning the guiding principles. It felt like hope at this point - after all the despair she'd gone through with her brother and her father and so many more lives she wanted to protect.

This belief was aimed at me - today:

We believe that all people, regardless of age, show up with the capacity to lead and learn.

I've been learning. I've tried to lead a bit through Twitter, with my parents, and more on Instagram (where my former students follow me). I need more help leading. I know not to ask the Black community for help, so I'm educating myself more and more on what I, personally, can do to lead.

Do you wonder if this particular book is for you?

• If you are ignorant (as I still am) about the injustices of some cities and prisons in our nation, read this book.
• If you ever think, "Why can't Black people stay out of prison?" read this book.
• If you are wondering where the Black Lives Matter movement came from, read this book.
• If you want to share that "All Lives Matter" or "Blue Lives Matter," read this book first.
• We can NOT discount the stories shared by Black people - of the EVERY DAY jabs at their color, hair, lips, clothing, etc. shared in So You Want to Talk about Race and seen throughout the media we watch or school hallways our students walk through.
• If you are just starting on your journey to learn about racism or bias or your Whiteness, I wouldn't read this book first. I'd wait on this one until you are further in to your learning.

Whatever you do, please keep educating yourself and others.
In this nation, Black people were once written off as not human. Some people still believe this is true.

Action Is Still Needed

I finished reading (actually, listening to) So You Want to Talk about Race by Ijeoma Oluo.

I didn't take as many notes on the back end of the book as I did the front, but the last note - that now is time to DO something, is resonating with me.

My next steps:

• Keep reading all I can to get educated.
• Ask my mayor what our police force has in terms of training against racial bias.
• Decide who I want to donate to.
• Find out how the people I can vote for (in the "non-sexy" elections) are voting themselves, and find ways to share that information with others.
• Continue "micro-activism" while I look for other ways to be active against racist policies and politicians.

Once we get back to school:

• Keep reminding students and peers to not clump ANY one group together.
• Do not buy in to the "model minority" myth.
• Be vigilant in letting students discuss what's on their minds and in their hearts.
• Do not accept any kind of personal attacks on anyone else.
• Heck, I might not say the pledge of allegiance. This country only promises "liberty and justice for all."

Day of Reflection

Yesterday wore me out physically and emotionally.

Our first student through the eighth grade "reverse parade" is half Black and half Japanese. I immediately wondered... will he grow up? Will he have a long future?

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I woke up today mad at the world. Again.
Mad at my parents for considering voting for an outright racist White man - again.
Mad at active tweeting educators at my own school for not sharing (via Twitter) resources that can help us dismantle the systemic racism in our nation.
Mad at educator/author White people tweeting about their book(s).
Mad at my "followers" for not retweeting the Anti-Racist LiveBinder that I've been curating for awhile that has helped me become more educated.

I shut the laptop. I realized it was the scrolling on Twitter that was adding to my angst. I showered. I went to Menards with Bob to get supplies for the problem in our yard.

I shut up. I started listening to my thoughts. I started looking with different perspectives. What words came to mind? Glass houses.

I only started noticing my own Whiteness and my own privilege in 2018. I still remember thinking it was meritocracy that got me where I am today. Who am I to say what others need to do? I stepped back, and thought - AGAIN - what can I do?

I've been sharing ONE resource every week day on my Instagram account (which I started back in 2014 to show students how to use social media for GOOD), and today I picked up another book I've been wanting to read. (Thank you, EGVPL and Hoopla for the audiobook access!!)

Maybe this will help me to have more difficult talks with my parents. Maybe this will help me keep DOING things instead of wondering what to do. I've started concrete notes I can use on this document.

Genius Hour & Black Lives Matter

Day 82 of Quarantine - Wednesday, June 3 2020

I was able to share about Genius Hour again today - on the Teachers Connect platform this time. I can't help but imagine... what if we had started Genius Hour AFTER George Floyd was killed on May 25?

I know my "genius hour" has now shifted to sharing resources on Instagram for my former students. Each day I will share a different resource from the Anti-Racist LiveBinder I curate. That has become my project that I'm picking up again... studying my own whiteness and learning more about what this nation has done to oppress Black humans. The last time I posted on my progress was in August of 2019, and then school took over my life. I know Black humans do not have a "pause" button on racial issues that Whites do.

IN school, I felt less afraid of having the tough conversations, and I believe students felt respected when I was able to make the time for them to ask questions, share stories, and listen to each other. We focused on listening without judgment, sharing our thoughts or ideas in a calm manner, not attacking each other but the issue at hand.

I really didn't feel up to sharing about Genius Hour today. However, the need for students to learn what they want to learn is so important. I know in my heart, that had we started Genius Hour after the protests began, that they'd want to learn more about them, and more about why this is happening. I wish with all my heart that they are doing so now. I hope my daily Instagram resources help them to do so. Today's was the fact that the movie Just Mercy is free on many platforms during this month of June. (I loaned my mom the YA edition of the book - she has yet to read it.)

This is America today. Day 82 of quarantine. Let's all learn more about the reasons behind this, so we can help alleviate the pain and fear:

I do not know the origin of this photo... please let me know if you know.